CBT Week 1

So I should have written and posted this weeks ago & I wrote it in my notebook but completely forgot to type it up & post it and then when I did for some reason it wouldn’t upload! So here we are.

We started by talking about what my issues are and what we discussed were three main areas: low self worth, intrusive thoughts & reassurance needs. We decided that low self worth was what would be the main focus of our sessions and we went on to talk about the feelings that I have surrounding this. I have since changed my mind & I would like to focus on my intrusive thoughts in our sessions.

We began by talking about what happens with the different areas that make up my main issues for example I feel like I’m a terrible mother somedays so what’s the point in trying which then becomes a cycle of feeling awful because I’m not trying and it continues. I get overwhelmed with housework & then don’t know where to start so don’t bother and again the cycle continues, I then feel like I’m an awful wife & mother because I can’t even keep on top of housework which feeds into the low self worth.

We talked about how I have in the past and still occasionally (to a lesser extent) self harm. This is not something I talk about to anyone. I’m not sure I’ve even told J. When I get frustrated or overwhelmed I hit myself. It’s almost like an instant relief and I know I need to find another way to deal with those feelings but I can’t figure out what in that moment. In that moment all there is is the overriding need for relief and hitting myself is what brings that. This will change. I am determined for this to change and I have been recommended the harmless website to look at other ways of getting that relief and dealing with those feelings.

At the end of our session I told the therapist that I was worried about the CBT not having worked or realising what we had spent all this time on not being my main issue and what would happen then. She reassured me that they advise to wait six months to consolidate the techniques we have used but then if I feel I need more support then I can re refer myself to the service which was a massive massive relief for me to hear.

For the 2 weeks since my first session I had been writing down my thoughts and feelings and this has helped me to decide that I’d like to change the focus of my sessions to intrusive thoughts.

I found this session really hard but I’m feeling positive and looking forward to my next session.