Depression

Depression is not the same for everyone, just the same as how OCD & anxiety are experienced differently by different people. For me depression crept up slowly. It was small moments in every day that turned into big moments, that ended up turning into whole days.

I knew when to laugh or when to cry, I knew when I should feel something so I acted like I did but in reality I just felt numb or completely overwhelmed. Everything just felt so so hopeless I wondered what the point was, would it make a difference if I was even here. I didn’t feel like I deserved this ‘easy way out’, what had happened in my life that gave me the right to feel this way? But it wasn’t one thing, it was the combination of lots of small things, small moments and before I knew it I was in the thick of depression and I had no idea how to help myself or how to ask for help. Everything felt hard, everything felt like it took 100% brain power and physical effort. I just wanted to stop being. I wanted to push pause and reset my brain but I couldn’t find the button.

Then one day someone shouted from what seemed like a million miles away that they could help me. That they knew the way out, just follow their voice. The effort to even admit that I needed help was immense. I felt so ashamed that I couldn’t cope with my life which was and is pretty bloody amazing. I felt like I didn’t deserve to feel this way and I felt everyone around me deserved better than what I could give them.

That was months ago now and I am on my road to recovery. It’s not always easy but I can see a bright future. Remember, there is always someone out there to help. If you are struggling then please reach out to local crisis helplines. I wish I had much sooner.